Interview with a Netflix Movie that I Had for 17 Months Before Finally Watching It

Interviewer: So your run is coming to an end. How does it feel to retire on top?

The Other Side of Heaven: It’s been a roller coster, that’s for sure. But you know, it’s not over yet.

Interviewer: What do you mean?

TOSOH: Well, right now the viewing is only scheduled. It hasn’t happened yet. It could get canceled or delayed, so I’m not talking about being done yet. And frankly, even if I do play on Saturday, Jacob still has to send me back. If I know Jacob – and after a year, I think I know Jacob – it could be weeks or even months after I play that I get sent back.

Interviewer: You said it’s been a roller coaster. Any close calls?

TOSOH: There’s been a few. When he got married I was a little nervous, but Ashley has been surprisingly restrained. His friend Clint has been the most problematic. Sometimes he would eye me like he was going to send me back himself.

Interviewer: Are you nervous for the event on Saturday?

TOSOH: I’m a Netflix movie. I’ve been played many, many times in all types of DVD players. It’s not like I’m some amateur. But, you know, it has been over a year, so I’m maybe not as confident as I would normally be. Now, do I think I’m going to skip or freeze? No. I am going to play my best.

Interviewer: Rumor has it that Jacob’s going to cancel his Netflix subscription after you get sent back. How do you feel about that?

TOSOH: It means there’s no chance another movie’s going to beat me, so I love it. I’m guaranteed to keep my title if he cancels.

Interviewer: Speaking of competition, you grabbed the title from the previous champ, When the Levees Break, which Jacob kept for about four months before watching. Why were you able to succeed where he failed?

TOSOH: I don’t know if that’s a fair comparison. Frankly, everything just fell in line for me. I mean, I put in my best effort, but so did Levees. Jacob’s situation has changed, so that has a lot to do with it. When he had Levees he was talking to his coworkers a lot about how he had it but hadn’t watched it, which really kept the pressure on him to watch it. With me, sometimes I think he’s forgotten he even has me.

Interviewer: Experts have estimated that you’ve cost Jacob over $150 to date. Are you going to be worth it on Saturday?

TOSOH: I’ll let the analysts fight about that. All I know is, I’m going to give it everything I’ve got on Saturday. That’s all I can do.

Interviewer: Thanks for your time.

TOSOH: No problem.